Making the Connection
October 18, 2011 at 8:45 AM
Last week, I taught a group of young coaches at George Mason University. By young I mean “young” to coaching. Most were mid to late in their current careers with some even being retired. Each was drawn to the program for different reasons. Some want to be coaches; others were participating because they are leaders in their organization and want to use the coaching skills to better engage and lead their employees. Whatever the reason that drew them, their feedback was quite similar: that even within the first three days, their eyes had been opened to a new way of connecting with other people and interacting in the world.
As I’ve reflected on this I realize that, at its core, leadership development is human development – it’s about teaching people how to connect with one another in a meaningful way. While leaders can talk about compelling visions and brilliant strategies for executing them, without people to follow them, their ideas go nowhere. When the class ended one student, who is a senior leader in a large, global consulting firm, said he felt his heart was now open in a way it never had been before and that he was able to connect with people both in and out of his organization.
Deep down we all want to open our hearts and connect with one another. While many leaders pride themselves on being self-sufficient and wear their self-reliance as a badge of honor, it is not entirely honest. We are inherently interdependent. We rely on doctors to care for us, servers to bring us food, and farmers to grow the crops we eat. As leaders we rely on customers, team members, board members, and colleagues for our success. To convince ourselves that we can “go it alone” isn’t accurate and contributes to our sense of isolation in the world.
What I’ve also come to understand is that people are either afraid to connect or just never learned how. The fear of being hurt, betrayed, abandoned, or disappointed is a fundamental aspect of the human condition. This translates into how we connect with those people we lead. That being said, it is up to leaders to set the example. Leaders need to be the ones to reach out and connect. It starts with little things like coming out from behind the desk, putting down the telephone or blackberry, and spending time listening to the people they lead. Just yesterday a new client said to me, “It’s amazing how much more connected I felt to my staff and they felt to me when I came around my desk, stopped multi-tasking and focused on what my employees were saying.”
I encourage you to start now and look for ways you can make a connection with someone in your life. Make them feel like you’ve seen and heard them. I have no doubt you’ll walk away feeling seen and heard as well.